Yesterday, a friend and I got to conversing about reading. Being busy mothers with not much time to read, we admitted to having our own preferences when it comes to writing styles and confessed to not liking what the rest of the world embraces. We both asked what the other was reading and I had the guts to declare that it’s only now, 20 years after marriage, that I am buying (lots of) books again for my own reading pleasure even though I’ve read book reviews for the longest time (that, incidentally, is one of my fave Billy Joel song).
So. Yes. I have a l-o-n-g bucket list of books. Some are even on my bookshelf. I look at them and wonder when I’ll find the time to truly get lost in them. You know, as in inhabit their world and get under a character’s skin. The last time I was able to do that was months ago – believe it or not, it occurred while I was waiting for a dental appointment in the city. At home, all I can do is sigh …
Either I think of the meal I should be cooking … or … I am writing (like now) … or I hear the hubby complaining “Why don’t you sleep early? That way you won’t be so irritable in the morning!” … when I am reading.
That this season of my life is such a busy one sometimes gets me down. Then I think of how I could have done better in past seasons of my life. That sinks me further down because it seems like everything I’ve done were mistakes which I’m having a hard time unraveling today. I look at my younger friends who look like they’ve got it all together – faith, family, friends and even fun. And wonder while stifling feelings of envy over knowing now what I wish I knew back then.
Then I think of how God, in his infinite tenderness, always gives everybody a second chance and I get lifted up. Wait a minute – how can we all have second chances when time is marching on? I sure don’t know.
Let me tell you, though, that He is able. Because. Each time I’ve come to the cross, crying out in frustration over my situation these past few months, seemingly incongruous events have been stitched together to show me that I am loved by Someone above. As Vaneetha Rendall puts it in her April 22, 2015 post on John Piper’s blog, God doesn’t grant my every request even when I pray faithfully. But he does promise to satisfy me with his unfailing love as he walks through every trial with me.
God is enough. How many of us have come to that realization while walking on this earth? I sure have not. But. I am learning. Day by day. So. Some days, I build enough courage to reach out from my corner of the world to people who – I try to remember – are also imperfect like me. Some days, life rolls over like a harrowing wind, threatening to engulf my mind with thoughts of suicide and regrets. Most days, though, He is enough.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace. Helen H. Lemmel